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Do you have the courage to “ASK”? Do you have the courage to
ask for something to be done, or the courage to ask for
honest feedback?
Do you have the courage to ask “What needs to happen around
here?”
My first memories of asking relate back to my school days,
when I had a crush on one of the girls in my class. I really
wanted to ask her out to a movie, but I was just too scared.
Too scared in case she said no and I made myself feel
rejected. I was scared of what my class mates would say, or
how they might judge me. I was scared of being ridiculed,
scared of failure, scared of being scared.
I’m sure you get the picture… as a 14 year old, fear ran my
moods and my state.
So as an adult leader how are you doing?
Does fear run your state? Are you too scared to ask? What
stops you from asking really authentic questions?
Management guru, Peter Drucker, once commented “The leader
of the past knew how to tell. The leader of the future will
have to learn, and know, how to ask.”
So why is asking so important? Most of today’s leaders
manage and lead knowledge workers. Knowledge workers are
those people who know more about what they are doing, and
their work, than their boss, manager or leader does.
It is extremely hard to try to tell people what to do, and
how they should do it, when they already know more than you
do! In today’s “knowledge worker” world, leaders need to
ask, listen, and learn from everyone around them. Leaders
and managers need to be brave enough, and willing enough, to
start with asking questions like, ‘What needs to be changed,
improved, or what needs to be done around here?’ ‘How can I
support you to achieve your goals?’
Astute and higher-ground-leaders know that by asking people
what he or she can do to improve on a constant basis can
drastically enhance performance, results and employee
satisfaction levels.
It seems many leaders are loud and egotistical on the
outside, but feeble and fearful on the inside when it comes
to asking for open and honest feedback. Research reveals
that one of the prime reasons that leaders don’t ask is
their inflated egos. Although a highly inflated ego is one
of the reasons preventing leaders from asking, the biggest
reason, is still, my old buddy, fear.
Recently I asked the manager responsible for Customer
Services in a large company, ‘do you believe your employees
should ask their customers for honest feedback, listen to
responses, learn from feedback, and then follow-up to ensure
your service quality keeps on getting better?’ “Absalutely”
they exclaimed.
As their coach, I then asked – ‘How important would you say
this is to your organisational success?’ “It’s vital” they
remarked. “It’s the foundation of ensuring our success”,
they noted. I then moved in for the real questions and
asked, “Do you ask your spouse for feedback on how you can
become a better partner?” They stopped dead, with a very
uncomfortable frown and quietly grimaced… “Never.”
I continued with my coaching questions, ‘who would you say
is more important – your company’s customers or your
partner?’ “My Partner – absolutely of course!” they blurted
out. ‘If you believe that asking is so important, please
tell me why don’t you do it at home?’ I gently enquired.
They apologetically revealed, “Because I am afraid of the
answers I will get.”
Why is it that most of us don’t ask - even though we know we
should? It seems that we don’t ask for input or feedback
because deep down, we’re utterly afraid of the answers we
may receive and what that will mean for us.
So what can we do about this? Firstly remember, this is
about discovering better ways of moving forwards, not
blaming and complaining about the past. Next, don’t take the
feedback and responses too personally. Next, get into a
habit of asking key co-workers/partners for their ideas and
input on a regular basis. Thank them honestly for their
input, listen fully to them, learn as much as you can from
them, incorporate their ideas that make the most sense and
add the most value. Remember to give them recognition for
their ideas, and follow-up to ensure that real, positive
change is occurring.
As a coach or manager/leader, I suggest you consider
encouraging the people that you are leading, to ask, listen
and learn from everyone around them on a regular basis.
The most powerful step you can make is to become a role
model for learning – then ask the people you are coaching to
learn in the same way that you are. As an executive coach, I
often discover that many of my customers could learn a whole
lot more from their key stakeholders (Staff, Clients, etc)
than they could learn from me as their coach.
If you are really ready for some change and challenge, ask
the people that you love, how you can be a better partner,
friend, parent or child. Honestly listen to their ideas with
an open mind. Many people get so busy with work pressures
that they forget that they work to support the most
important people in their lives – their family/loved ones.
If you are ready to improve your interpersonal
relationships, it doesn’t have to be like a visit to the
dentist, take a lot of our time, or include a lot of pain.
It does however require that you have the courage to ask for
important people’s opinions and feedback, and the intention
and discipline, to follow-up and do something about what you
have discovered from their feedback.
So, do you have the courage to ASK - "What needs to be done
around here?” Who do you need to ask? When are you going to
start asking? If you wanted to make incredible and valuable
changes when would you want to begin? Let’s get to it.
Start today by asking for feedback and asking for that date/
massage/ hug/ kiss or raise. You never know where it will
take you. :)
Learn to love to ask questions…it could
become an incredible adventure... If you let it.
Namaste’
Tony Dovale
Your High-Voltage Coach and Alchemist
083-447-6300
www.lifemasters.co.za
Remember…"If you want to learn to love better, you should
start with a friend who you hate," - Nikka (age 6)
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