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Why is it that whenever we men, finally subdue our ego’s
adequately enough to take on a coach, that we typically want
a male coach? And the same seems to go for women leaders
too. Why do they so often go for a female coach when a male
coach could offer a whole lot more? Is it for camaraderie
and like minded support? Is it because this is where we
believe we’ll feel safer, less vulnerable, more supported
and more compatible? Or is it just because we don’t
understand the power intrinsic in embracing opposites and
diversity.
This moment of deciding to take on a coach offers incredible
opportunity for learning, growing and discovering even more…
if you are prepared to cross the gender barrier, and engage
the power of opposites.
I believe that a many times, leaders could benefit greatly
by taking on a suitable coach of the opposite gender. This
cross gender encounter offers such incredible opportunity
for the leader to explore and discover a whole new world
through different eyes, beliefs, experiences and life
filters.
A male coach, coaching another male, already has numerous
built-in joint understandings, unwritten agreements, beliefs
and perspectives that are, for the most part, invisible to
themselves, counter productive and counter intuitive to
gaining maximum leverage from the time invested.
By taking on an opposite gender coach, the leader is
suddenly challenged to handle a completely dissimilar set of
questions, divergent perspectives, different expectations
and altered understandings. The whole energy the coach
brings along is completely different. And this offers the
opportunity to see through new eyes and discover new ways of
being.
Whereas a male coach might have a similarly exclusive,
highly competitive, head-driven paradigm to his coachee, a
female coach often brings along a more inclusive,
collaborative, heart-guided approach. Typically men get away
from authority and family, whereas women connect. Typically
men are self-oriented, whereas women are other-oriented.
Typically men talk about rights, whereas women talk about
responsibilities. Can you now see how the opposites can
bring new perspectives and new possibilities?
Very often the prime reason a coach is called upon is
because more-of-the-same is not going to cut it. Something
different is required - Something different by way of
perspective, feeling, energy, perspectives and behaviors.
By engaging the power of opposites we can begin to shake the
foundations of our fragile ego states, fears and long held
limiting perspectives and paradigms. It takes a strong
leader to open themselves up, trust, engage and explore new
possibilities. For, in this moment, new possibilities are
born of the collaborative relationship that can develop and
can deliver far reaching initiatives.
I have had an incredible “male/female switch” process that
gave me the experience of being able to see more clearly
through feminine eyes. It was an eye opener for me to see
how narrow, limited and exclusive my approach has been for
most of my life. And all along I had believed that I was
very inclusive!
With the way the world is shifting towards a more balanced
and shared approach, it is even more relevant for leaders to
be able to see, and get an understanding of, all sides
perspectives. We know that female-think is very different to
male-think. And so to begin to gain the benefits of the
male-female synergy, men have to take the opportunity to
stretch their rigid, macho perspectives and embrace the
opposite, if only just for brief encounters.
Just like the management guru, Tom Peters, I believe that
women have a huge amount of wisdom to offer male business
leaders. We can now begin to capitalise on this inherent
wisdom that many men have ignored for such a long, long
time.
“A woman knows her children’s friends, hopes, dreams,
romances, secret fears, what they are thinking, how they are
feeling. Men are vaguely aware of some short people also
living in the house” - From Barbara & Allan Pease, Why Men
Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps
Even in the workplace, by engaging women in areas that have
traditionally been occupied by men, we can begin to see a
diverse, more inclusive, and more sustainable approach to
business emerging. A special report in Business Week
revealed that female managers outshine their male
counterparts in almost every measure”. This is credible
feedback and supports the proposition for astute male
leaders to get an inside insight by embracing their
opposites in as many areas of business as possible.
Whilst I believe many leaders will have to fight back the
fear of judgment and jest from their peers for having an
opposite gender coach, it offers an incredible opportunity
to begin to see the world of work in a completely different
manner. It enables us to begin to move away from fear-based
motivation towards heart-based inspiration.
Although selecting opposites has incredible value to offer,
it’s still critically important to ensure a “good fit” of
parties. By good fit, I mean energetically and that the
opposite persons engaged are able to operate at the
requisite level of performance required, according to Elliot
Jaques’ 7 level model of managerial hierarchy - “Levels of
work”.
It’s no good engaging a person of the opposite gender, if
they are going to have no idea, or ability, to dance within
the domain of the leader being coached. A receptionist, even
of the opposite sex, will have no value-add to the chairman
or CEO.
Even in the domain of racial diversity, a company, team or
group can benefit greatly by having an open and inclusive
approach and insight to alternative input, perspectives,
challenges, wants and needs.
If leaders and companies are going to thrive in this new
emotional/ experience economy, they will definitely need to
embrace the insights and wisdom of opposites. Just as men
have exceedingly little real knowledge of how to effectively
market to, and engage the heads, hearts and Souls of female
clients, women are often in the dark when it comes some
men’s behaviors too.
If you are a male leader answer these questions…
Who make 94% of the purchasing decision for Home
Furnishings?
Who make 92% of the purchasing decision for Vacations?
Who make 91% of the purchasing decision for Houses?
Who make 80% of the purchasing decision for D.I.Y. (“home
projects”)?
Who make 51% of the purchasing decision for Consumer
Electronics?
Who make 83% of the purchasing decision for all consumer
products?
Who make 80% of the purchasing decision for Health Care?
Women do! Don’t you think it may be worthwhile to have women
coaches for your marketing and sales groups?
Remember that creativity comes from unlikely juxtapositions
of age, culture, race, gender, perspectives etc… to gain the
benefits on offer, means doing something different. It means
stretching the comfort-zone outwards, towards the domain of
new opportunity. It means embracing something completely
different and contradictory. It means embracing opposites.
Anyone for a hug?
Tony Dovale – Life Masters Coaching
www.lifemasters.co.za
083-447-6300
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